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* You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a
flyswatter.
* Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
* Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
* You burn your yard rather than mow it.
* The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they
don't want it.
* You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
* You come back from the dump with more than you took.
* You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
* You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
* You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
* Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
* Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up
to help him take the wheels off.
* You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
Cool Whip on the side.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.
* You've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it
said concentrate.
* You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of
K-Mart.
Send, comments, suggestions, trivia questions(!) to Lon Phillips
bravenet.com