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1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes
your wife."
2. "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly
baby?"
3. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
4. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never
believed in Hell til I met you."
5. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I
can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're
not here to ruin it for me."
7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your
sister."
8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've
given me. Like the need for therapy..."
9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what
evil was before this!"
10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would
like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably
need it again."
11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
12. "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys
with boobs that are bigger than mine."
13. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost
Life-like!
14. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your
promise."
15. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my
best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl, chew toys."
16. "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we
call it quits."
17. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're
here."
18. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever
find out who the father was?"
19. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking
ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you
heaps and think of you often."
20. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for
your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep."
21. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)
Send, comments, suggestions, trivia questions(!) to Lon Phillips
bravenet.com