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Lon Phillips Enterprises

Barbie's Christmas List Demands

Barbie's Christmas List Demands:

1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of
   looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any
   idea what it's like to have nylon and Velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o
   molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks
   like cellulite.
3. A REAL man. I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get
   him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over
   that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up with
   that earring anyway?
4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give
   me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned
   Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.
6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctors and schoolteachers make real
   money.
8. A new persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a pint of
   cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my
   vinyl complexion.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years -- I think I
    deserve a piece of the action.

Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel,
I think these demands are reasonable.

As ever,
Barbie

© 2006 Lon Phillips Enterprises

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